By: Bishop Designee Jay Offer
Grief is one of the deepest and most personal human experiences. It is the soul’s response to loss—a natural yet painful journey that tests faith, patience, and understanding. For a caring pastor, helping someone through grief involves both spiritual discernment and compassionate presence. From a biblical standpoint, grief is not foreign to God or His people, yet helping another person through it carries profound challenges that demand wisdom, humility, and grace.
One of the first difficulties in ministering to the grieving is the mystery of suffering itself. Pastors often wrestle with the same question mourners do: “Why did this happen?” Scripture reminds us that “the secret things belong unto the Lord our God” (Deuteronomy 29:29). This means that not every loss can be explained or understood this side of eternity. The temptation to offer quick answers or theological clichés must be resisted. Job’s friends, though well-intentioned, exemplify how unhelpful explanations can deepen a sufferer’s pain (Job 2:11–13; 13:4). Instead, pastors are called to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15), sharing in the sorrow before offering any words of comfort.
Another difficulty lies in timing and patience. Grief does not follow a predictable pattern; it can linger far longer than others expect. Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” A wise pastor recognizes that the grieving heart cannot be hurried toward healing. Best practice here involves consistent presence rather than quick fixes—showing up, listening deeply, and allowing the mourner to express anger, confusion, or even silence without judgment. My personal experience when I lost my mother was a silent destructive process that lasted for 20 years. During that time I thought I was alright and had dealt with it. Had it not been for the quiet support and loving words over teh twenty years, I may not have come out of it with peace and the healing I needed.
A further challenge is helping the grieving individual maintain faith when hope seems distant. Pain can distort one’s perception of God, leading some to question His goodness or presence. Here the pastor must gently lead the mourner back to the compassionate heart of God. Jesus Himself was “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). At Lazarus’s tomb, though He knew resurrection was coming, Jesus wept (John 11:35), as he witnessed the lack of faith in Lazerus’ sisters. His tears remind us that divine compassion does not erase human sorrow—it enters into it. A grieving person must see that God is not far off in their pain; He is present and will heal them in the midst of their pain.
Practically, pastors can employ several best practices in grief care. First, listen more than you speak. James 1:19 counsels, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak.” Second, use Scripture as a balm, not a weapon. Verses such as Psalm 34:18 (“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted”) and Matthew 5:4 (“Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted”) can reassure without minimizing pain. Third, encourage community. Isolation intensifies grief, but fellowship can nurture healing (Galatians 6:2—“Bear ye one another’s burdens”). Lastly, pray persistently—not only for comfort but for renewed hope that in Christ, death does not have the final word (1 Thessalonians 4:13–14).
In the end, helping someone through grief is not about solving a problem but embodying God’s love. A pastor’s greatest gift is presence—standing as a witness that even in sorrow, God is near, and His promise of restoration remains sure.